What does really matter to me??

I've not been writing my thoughts for so long, and actually have made myself so busy in the life's circle that when I get back to my home, I just wanna close my eyes and relax. {But, who the hell can do that, after you are more than 20}.

But actually, why am I writing today? I really do not know, but when I got up in the morning today {I always get up with a Smile, but not when I have to get up at 7am!!} I get up with a phone call (after my marriage, these phone calls only annoy me, though, this does not apply to my close friends). Since my childhood, I am just confused with a simple question, that Is this actually my life, or there are people who are ruling my life?? People call me up and suggest so so many things either it is related to my personal life or my professional, I just wanna ask them, why are you worried people, it is my life and let me live it my way. 

But, when I give everything a second thought, they are people who care for me. So, what really annoys me, the people or the truth that they say. I am really confused, I do not know what do I want and I think that this is a common confusion for all. 

You love chocolates, but some avoid it coz they have tummy which they wish can disappear.
You wanna go out with all your friends, but this stupid boss is calling you to work on Saturdays as well.
You wanna leave you current job, but these family circumstances do not let you do so.
People have family and children and they do not value them, as they are confused, whether to live for themselves or their child
Some crave to have a family, get married and those who are married are craving for children,
and the list goes onnnn.. 

I thrive for a break in the weekdays but when its actually my time to relax on weekends, I have so much piled on. I feel to give 100% to my work but in a moment I think that my family is my first priority. I am happily married, but I often have a thought, that was it a right decision to get married at the age of 21. I am getting pretty successful in my business but the thought of working like a dog piss me off. I love my family (family before my marriage), but I really do not miss my mom a lot. 

Every night I sleep with these deep confusions and ask my self, Am I really happy and if not, then what is the thing that is actually disturbing me? Finally I don't have an answer, but then I turn back and I find my husband lying besides me, I hold his hands (even if he is sleeping), and look at him and my heart and mind finally take a deep breath and I say as he does,"if there is a problem, there will be solution to it" "If you do not have anyone for you, I will be always there for you" "If you are tired of working, just come and relax in my arms" "If you do not wanna go to office, you have to, coz I don't want a stupid wife, I want you to be intelligent"

and finally all his words roam around in my mind, relaxes my heart and close' my eyes. {I really have to do a lot of fight with my heart and brain before I am actually asleep}. 

But yes, the question remains the same "What really matters to me?" and before I go to bet, I finally have the answer, no matter whatever comes in my way, no matter whatever happens, You (my husband "Shona") you are the only one and the only thing that matters to me. 

Mr & Mrs. Saurabh Jain